Nicole vs. Life
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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