I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
