Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize