rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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