i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
