You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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