One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
