a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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