I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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