I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
