im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
