No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
