I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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