I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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