you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
