If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
