New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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