would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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