They should really pass out barf bags in church
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
