so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
