You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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