Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
