You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
