clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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