if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The air was thick with penises
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
