just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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