so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
