he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
