Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
