i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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