There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
