you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
