Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
