I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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