This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
