Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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