I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's never too late to be topless.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
