do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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