I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
