We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
