she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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