he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
