i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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