I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
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Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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