never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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