there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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