Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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