I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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