im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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