my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
