Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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