finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Someone signed my nipple.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
