i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
