She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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