Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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