the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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