The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
