I heard we made out
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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