So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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