The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
