I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
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When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm always down for nudity.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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