Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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