I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
